What Hurts The Most
by not-your-android-18
Summary: Chi-Chi's thoughts after the GT saga ends. A rainy day in Mount Paozu when Chi-Chi thinks of her husband.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or it's characters. All credit for that goes to Akira Toriyama. Credit for the song used goes to Cascada.

Rain was coming down in heavy sheets, the sound of it pelting the tin heard all through the house. ChiChi sat by the window in the old rocker she used to sing to Gohan and Goten on when they were babies, her dark hues watching the endless rain. It had been years since Goku had left to train with Shenron, Gohan was living with Videl and Goten had moved out as well..So now it was just ChiChi. As she sat her mind wandered to Goku and what he must be doing now. Was he happy..? And did he ever think of her...miss her? That strong ache returned to her heart with that thought, hand moving to clutch her heart.

_((__I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me_  
_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_  
_I'm not afraid to cry_  
_Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me_  
_There are days_  
_Every now and again I pretend I'm OK but that's not what gets me ))_

She was getting so old so quickly while the last time she had seen here husband the male was literally a child...Here she was now an old woman, living each day that could most certainly be her last. Her skin was longer smooth and wrinkle free, hair no longer naturally dark. She had lost her youth...and her husband. But somehow she was still smiling.  
"Goku.." She whispered softly, a few tears sliding down her cheeks.

_((What hurts the most, was being so close_  
_And having so much to say_  
_And watching you walk away_  
_Never knowing, what could have been_  
_And not seeing that loving you_  
_Is what I was trying to do ))_

All the years that they could have had left together...were now taken. It hurt to know that she would be having her final moments alone when that time came. So many things she wish she could have told Goku, so many things she wished she could have done before he left...ChiChi wanted to hug him, tell him just how much he meant to her, to kiss him..Say that she was proud of him, proud to be his wife, and to have his kids...

_((It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go_  
_But I'm doing it_  
_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_  
_Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, living with this regret_  
_But I know if I could do it over_  
_I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken ))  
_  
ChiChi could still recall the last gathering the Z Fighters had...Everyone had been giving her those looks of pity seeing as how she was one of the few without her significant other..They had told stories about Goku and laughed..Oh how they had laughed..They cried...Everyone missed him. But even so ChiChi smiled, not wanting to show her sadness infront of anyone. She would not break.

_((What hurts the most, was being so close_  
_And having so much to say_  
_And watching you walk away_  
_Never knowing, what could have been_  
_And not seeing that loving you_  
_Is what I was trying to do ))  
_  
"We had quite the life..Didn't we, Goku?" ChiChi asked as she looked up to the sky, her expression reminiscent and tears in her eyes.  
"You did so many wonderful things...And since I won't get to see you again for quite some time..I want you to know.." Her voice wavered and died out in a sob before she spoke again with a smile.  
"Oh, I want you to know how thankful I am...You made me the happiest woman in the world...the proudest...the luckiest..And I am so honored to have had the most amazing kids in the world with you...I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful life...Thank you, Goku...I love you."

_((I'm not afraid to cry_  
_Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me_  
_There are days_  
_Every now and again I pretend I'm OK but that's not what gets me))  
_  
"I have to let you go now, Goku...so that you can save the world without any regret of leaving me behind...Just please..Please be happy...and I will be waiting for you..." ChiChi said softly, a few more tears sliding down her cheeks before she took one last breath, using it to say she loved him one last time.

_((What hurts the most, was being so close_  
_And having so much to say_  
_And watching you walk away_  
_Never knowing, what could have been_  
_And not seeing that loving you_  
_Is what I was trying to do ))_


End file.
